National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Day

Here I am again, posting on this day as I did last year in memory of babies lost too soon.
Last year, while I was remembering my baby lost to miscarriage that May, I was also secretly celebrating the news that I was pregnant again. But I was barely more than four weeks, and while I hoped for the best this time around, all I could do was pray and wait…

And then it happened again. A miscarriage that dragged from November into early December. I couldn’t wait for 2012 to be over.

So this year, I’m remembering two babies lost. Where I live, the day is dark and dreary and drizzling rain. It seems fitting. Time does indeed help, but when you pause to remember the fleeting joy of expecting, or to count the “real” number of your children, to imagine how old they would be…the pain is ready and waiting.

It’s a comfort, though, to have a special day set aside in remembrance of our special little ones. Naming them helps, too, because they are real people, no matter how short their lives. Babies Jonah Nicholas and Gabriel Julian, I miss you.

2013 is turning out to be a better year for me. I’m 32 weeks pregnant now, so the chance of miscarriage is long gone. I’m due to give birth about the same date I was enduring the miscarriage last year. I’m excited to meet my new little girl, and when I finally look into her tiny newborn face, I will rejoice and be sure to never forget what a miracle every new life is.